Watermelaina

"I should just say fuck it and be happy instead...right?" I'm doing my best I Still find myself stressed.  I'm opening up  wanna shut the full cup.  I'm down on my knees I still like when you tease.  I'm going away Do you want me to stay?

"The only way to be safe is to be the danger"  So I do this thing where I look for things on social media that can only ever affect me negatively or not affect me at all.  Why? Masochism. Obviously.  What else could it possibly be?  You might be thinking "Oh Laina I do that too and i'm not a masochist"  Yes you are. You fucking are. Hush up.  I sometimes ponder just deleting all my social media and ghosting everyone I've ever known and loved.  Some body out here feels free to do things that they know will hurt me and free to  put it out there for me to find.  I do not feel this same freedom.  Somebody out there... I don't know how they feel to be very honest.  and that's the problem.  I want to know so many things be it good or bad. I just want to know.  If the bug is in my soup I want to know it's there and get a new bowl of soup even tho eating it unknowingly would not have affected my ...

I haven't felt sexy since August 18th 2017 at approximately 2:00 AM. (not that long) I've tried typing this post at least three times. Each time I sound confident and invincible but I can't post that because it's not true at all. I am afraid of... somethings About becoming less beautiful, about being less desirable to the people that I desire. All that other shallow stuff. Why haven't I felt as hot as I so obviously am? Different things.... (Queen Vague) I'm in a much bigger place where everyone isn't the same type of person. I feel less special. I feel like I don't fit in to this crowd of standards. I don't do the make up thing or the weave. I point out my zits and prefer not to comb my hair. Cuteness is a dime a dozen. I don't know how to do maturity. I feel like the girls I hang with a worlds above me in beauty and mainstream and acceptable looks. It's extremely intimidating.  I've been typing this post for thre...