Watermelaina

There.  I've done it. I've begun to type. The fear of failure is a powerful thing. Fortunately for me, I have nothing to lose by doing this and I've somehow overcome the main hurdle. I started typing this two months ago and the above lines are as far as I got. And ironically this is because as soon as I began typing finally, something came up and I had to leave my laptop, after which the inspiration was gone. I’m here now somewhat because I’m flowing with inspiration and somewhat because I need to talk to someone who understands me So far I’m the best person who fits that description. I have no toxic thoughts to battle through this time No this is more of a popping in to say hi Wondering if anyone who is out here and reading this blog feels anything from the words I type. I don’t do this for anyone but myself I don’t do much do this because I want to but because I need to My mind is like a pot of water boiling and spilling over occasionally. These occa...

Lonely  Recently I’ve been waking up at 3:00 AM almost every night, with this deep feeling of loneliness in my chest. Even if I’m lying right next to someone. Even if I hold his hand, lie on his chest, look at his face, remind myself that this is someone who has chosen to be next to me, the loneliness doesn’t go away.  I’ve been thinking about what that means but I also haven’t been thinking about what that means. I don’t think I would like to know what it means honestly.  I’m okay by myself, I think.  I can make my own self happy, I think. But I’m not by myself. Actually... I haven’t been by myself in a long time. I’ve always had someone I want to make happy.  Someone I want to be better for. Someone who motivates me and adores me and spoils me.  ...among other less positive things  It began in 4th form and has lasted ever since.  Honestly I don’t think this will ever change, not that I want it to.  Ho...