Watermelaina

I'm confused.  About Love...  Should Romantic Love feel the same each time? Or should each romantic connection be exclusively different?  I'm positive they contain amalgamations of similar traits but it's probably expressed differently right? Most times I don't think I know when I'm 'in love' or 'being loved'.  Currently, my truths are simply that,  I am happy with where my love life is going.  It is something I want and something I worked to get It doesn't feel... chaotic and all over the place.  I'm not helpless... Heck, I even feel helpful sometimes.  Anything can be talked about. No tricks. As it should be.  It's... a good thing. A healthy thing.  This is unsettling to me. Simply because I'm not used to it. I love love love...that I am not stressed... That I am supported and that I have a friend first above everything else.  I know this is new and that new things take adjusting to... I...

Hi. There's something I wanted to do... But didn't do for a very long time. The reason I didn't do it is that I didn't think it would be pleasant for me personally. The reason I wanted to do it was... well I don't know it could be a few things... It could just be because of curiosity It could be because of love and support It could be because I hate myself It could be because I needed to remind myself of something But I think I was looking for an answer to some question... A question I'm sure I'm still afraid to ask myself. I wanted to see if I would feel something or if I would feel nothing. I'm not even sure it's impossible to feel nothing but that's what I wanted most of all. But I felt something. It felt like betrayal I think...  It felt like... I realized that part of my life had been a lie. But also it felt like... This is exactly what should be. I am disgusted with myself for the way I feel right now. I'm upset. I ...