Spring Showers

You know, I’ve been dying to make a post but I don’t really use my time connected to WiFi wisely when it comes to creative growth and expression.

Every morning I spend at least an hour hating myself... can you believe that ? I suppose if I start my day low it can only get better.  Lately I’ve been tweeting way too much which is why I know I need to be here right now...

I should be so happy I think. I guess.

I’m not sad or mad either I’m just afraid of having made terrible choices.

I think I actually made a very good choice but I’m not satisfied with it? Like most of my life I strive for comfort yet I do not want to be comfortable right now... or I do and I’m not?

All of this must be confusing.  It should be because It feels like I as a person just don’t add up.

I do not make sense to myself.  The me that I am isn’t what I should be.
My plan so far has been to ignore this feeling because I know that I’m actually doing alright.
I’m sure I can continue on this path and achieve satisfaction.

You know... back when I was like 18 years old... Daniel used to tell me some things that I didn’t understand about himself and how he feels and I think back to what he said and I realize that I am him.

I had no idea what those feelings felt like back then. I tried to help him but maybe I couldn’t or maybe he couldn’t let me.... I mean... I don’t think I can let anyone help me with this. I don’t think anyone can.  I think this is just a me thing that I have to sort out.

I thought that maybe it would be good to talk to him about this because I could get insights that I wasn’t equipped to get at 18. So far though,  all signs have pointed to it not being good.  I know he would want to help but I don’t think whatever happens would really be help.

It’s not like this is my only option it’s just a familiar one.  I maybe  want to torture him with the reminder of me because I’m a bad person deep down.




Comments

  1. Alaina nuh1:05 pm, October 20, 2018

    I really thought I replied to this the moment I saw it omg. Where did the reply go?. Thank you so much it means so much to me that you appreciate this little miss I keep adding to.

    ReplyDelete

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