Watermelaina

I'm confused.  About Love...  Should Romantic Love feel the same each time? Or should each romantic connection be exclusively different?  I'm positive they contain amalgamations of similar traits but it's probably expressed differently right? Most times I don't think I know when I'm 'in love' or 'being loved'.  Currently, my truths are simply that,  I am happy with where my love life is going.  It is something I want and something I worked to get It doesn't feel... chaotic and all over the place.  I'm not helpless... Heck, I even feel helpful sometimes.  Anything can be talked about. No tricks. As it should be.  It's... a good thing. A healthy thing.  This is unsettling to me. Simply because I'm not used to it. I love love love...that I am not stressed... That I am supported and that I have a friend first above everything else.  I know this is new and that new things take adjusting to... I...

Hi. There's something I wanted to do... But didn't do for a very long time. The reason I didn't do it is that I didn't think it would be pleasant for me personally. The reason I wanted to do it was... well I don't know it could be a few things... It could just be because of curiosity It could be because of love and support It could be because I hate myself It could be because I needed to remind myself of something But I think I was looking for an answer to some question... A question I'm sure I'm still afraid to ask myself. I wanted to see if I would feel something or if I would feel nothing. I'm not even sure it's impossible to feel nothing but that's what I wanted most of all. But I felt something. It felt like betrayal I think...  It felt like... I realized that part of my life had been a lie. But also it felt like... This is exactly what should be. I am disgusted with myself for the way I feel right now. I'm upset. I ...

floating on the silence that surrounds us  . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . The buzz of her phone on the cushion beside her distracted her from the Netflix show she'd been binge watching all night. She picked up her phone, already anticipating one of the few people who could possibly be calling her. The name appearing on her glowing screen made her heart flutter and her stomach sink at the same time.  "Guess he's home..." she said to no one in particular. With a short sigh, she swiped right to accept the call, pressing the speaker button and settling back into her cozy spot on the couch. "Hey Bromie" She greeted.  "Yo, Bud. How's it going?"  "Uhh... nothing to report really. Just Netflix and chilling, you?"  "Ah, I just got back home."  "Great... So tell me all about it." She said calmly as she paused the televisi...

First of all... Fuck you if you think I'm not a positive person. Also, I do not care what you think.  I only care about me and what I want and currently I want the freedom to be positively angry without a bumbling bee trying to sting away my healthy emotions.

Love can bring out every single one of the seven deadly sins in me. My heart is a steam engine it dances and sways down a track But I'm not on board… I'm tied by doubt to the rails right in front of you Do you even see me? Do you hear me screaming? I'm afraid of myself and of you The vibrations are exciting The rumblings are terrifying When I'm crushed by the weight of love I only hope….

Cruising… Take me home, please…  I miss the heat.  The semester has gotten to the halfway point and it’ll be done before I know it.  I’ve been reflecting on my performance thus far and I realize that, like I do with most aspects of my life I’ve just been recklessly cruising along.  This lack of force on my gas pedal is not going to help me win the race against time and shit needs to pick up.  I'm afraid that it’s going to take something scary chasing me before I even bother trying to pick up the pace.  My grades are in jeopardy which is scary but apparently not scary enough.  As far as other aspects of life, I'm cruising out of fear of moving too fast or not giving myself enough time to think before acting.  The side effect of that I think….is I feel like literally, everything is moving too fast for me to handle. Regardless of if I slow down the earth is still speeding through the dark void of space in a continuous and constant orbit aroun...

"I should just say fuck it and be happy instead...right?" I'm doing my best I Still find myself stressed.  I'm opening up  wanna shut the full cup.  I'm down on my knees I still like when you tease.  I'm going away Do you want me to stay?