Touchdown 2025

 Hello from the future!

Wow. WOW. It's been four years since I last posted on here. Guys, let me tell you. A LOT has changed. 

Let's get the big Q out of the way. Why am I back? Well, one thing led to another and badabing badaboom I was reading through my old blog entries. There were a few things that I had said, and I wanted to provide a few updates. 

Update #1 2020 has actually been the BEST year in the last 5 years. I know I didn't really go into depth with how insane 2020 was because I never blogged that year. But babyyyy it only got worse. I don't think I'll do any sort of recap of the last few years because that isn't my thing at all. 

Really and truly I just want to answer some questions my past self asked /provide feedback to the things I read. 

Okay Laina listen. 

You knew Norris was an issue from the start, yet you still dated him. I forgive you for that, I do. But my GOD when you guys broke up in 2019 that was a moment of CLARITY. That blog post you made, not the one where you were angry he wasn't speaking to you much anymore, the one after you guys were reunited, and you came to terms with the fact that your relationship was over.... girl you were right on the money with that! That was beautiful. I can't believe I didn't cry! 

If you had went your separate ways back then like you had intended, the relationship would have been way less traumatic for you because

SPOILER ALERT

All of your insecurities were legit. Every. Single. One. 
He DID fucking sleep with that one girl. Yes. Public enemy #1. He did that. 
and he DID leave you for a new shiny toy. 
You were right to be insecure about him having female friends. You were right that you shouldn't be insecure about it but not because you were CRAZY, ma belle. 
Because you shouldn't be with anyone who makes you feel insecure about their friends! 
HE DID THAT. 

Sigh, it's okay though. Pookie I promise you it's okay. You were fucked UP don't get me wrong. But you've come a long way since that disaster unfolded. 

You lived and you fucking learned. 

But listen. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. don't follow this pattern again. Babe I am sorry, but your avoidant ass needs to start falling for the men that WANT YOU. There's a fuck ton of them. They fucking would do anything for you (we can't confirm this, we are still skeptical as shit in 2025, but it at least seems that way.) 

I don't know what you need. 

Maybe it's more therapy.

But latching on to someone who's opinion of you is anything less than "Thank you GOD for the blessing of allowing me the opportunity to make this woman happy" Is not deserving of your heart. We ain't giving it away to a fool again. PROMISE ME THAT. 

What's that? Can we-? Oh, yes of course! We can still fuck 'em. If our demisexual ass allows us to loosen up long enough for that. 

Take Alex for example. I sincerely hope you remember who I'm referring to by Alex in the next few years. hint: Baldy. Wait, not the fisherman though...

THIS IS TOO MUCH CONTEXT. 

Anyway, the point is, when he was all up in your face asking for attention, you thought it was disgusting. Because tbh it was. It was giving where's my hug, vibes. And then you said hey, I need you to chill out and just be cool, treat me like a friend. He did that and now you aren't repulsed by him. 

Important Q: Are we feeling him more now because he isn't acting like he likes you anymore, so your avoidant little baby heart feels safe and not smothered? Or are you feeling him now because he can follow fucking instructions? 

Either way, we can't risk it baby, He doesn't even seem like a giver. Where are the men who want to eat me like a mango and twiddle their fingers inside me? 

Honey, It is slim pickings here on the nature island. Stick to your fingers and rose. 

Okay now that this vulgar section is over, I will now continue to read the rest of my blog postings and add any extra commentary that comes to mind. 

Oh, I think this goes without saying but I will say it anyway, You are not and will never be friends with Daniel again. You think it's a blessing that you have no desire to have that man in your life anymore. and OIN is dating MICHAEL. Can you believe that? Small world. 

*ahem*

Okay so I've read through the entirety of this blog up until this point. I have some things to say. The first note to myself is way simpler than I had expected: 

Alaina, I love you. You're fucking cool. And you ARE a writer (even though you've been ignoring grammar and punctuation for this entire entry). You're a creative and you're actually fucking happy right now. You're happy because you can see that you are somebody worth cherishing. YOU want to cherish you. 

That's so real. That's so awesome. 

Now go out and make moves bitch! 

MWAH. 

Moving on to the rest of my notes...

Oh my GOD you wrote SMUT on here. What the fuck were you on? This is a public domain. 😭

I didn't even see it coming if I'm being honest. One of them was so cringe I had to return it to drafts. The other one? The polycule? I can't believe that I had no recollection of writing this short atrocity! I was going blind reading that. I kept covering my ears hoping to drown out my own silent reading voice while groaning in horror as I slowly realized that this scene came from my own mind.... 
I barely finished reading it if I'm being honest. I had to skim through the raunchy bits lest I pass out. 

I think that I may be my own biggest torturer. 

Outside of that... I would say that I have very good intuition. Just about everything I predicted came to pass. Things I had no basis for at the time and considered to be paranoia were true. It's making me feel like sometimes making a decision without really knowing all the facts can be a smart decision. 

Yes, I may miss out on something good or choose something bad by acting off of a hunch, but I may have the same outcomes by watching and waiting for something to happen to me as well. Right now, I prefer the option that involves me being proactive! 

Also, I have to remember to give myself more grace. I can clearly see that I have struggled with certain decisions over the years. I wrote to myself here multiple times things like "I will never xyz" and " I am done with abc" yet I still did it again, and I wasn't done. Not at those points, I stumbled once, twice, three times. And then eventually...

Finally...

I got to where I wanted to be. 

And then I found new problems to worry about! There are problems in front of me right now. I am overcoming them step by step. The important take away is that, when I stumble, I only need to focus on getting back up and recentering or redirecting myself. The stumble isn't as bad as it feels! It's certainly not worth hating myself or giving up. It's part of the journey. 

Stopping this blog was a HUGE stumble. Finding it again was a blessing! I think creating in this space assisted me more than I realized. On top of that, it was fun. 

I'm having a hell of a time creating this update as we speak! 

Last note. I'm going to write more poems this year. I think I should take it seriously too. I plan to watch a few videos to help me up my technical skill. Poetry is fun as hell, and I think I could be a well-respected poet if I learned the rules. 

***

WOW, this was a long post. Very fitting for a comeback. I had a lot to say! I'm feeling really confident that this will be the first of many this year. I don't think I will be telling my friends I'm back this time. I want to write without the fear of judgement. It's best if I don't know who's reading or when!

Anyway, until next time! (I'm going to post the last few things I had in my draft after this)