Watermelaina

Yes, Mood. I wrote this some time In May, I should have checked the actual date before I started typing in this again damn. I had decided I wouldn't post it but after a while I decided to schedule it to post today. Is that messed up? It's currently August for me typing this paragraph but Merry Christmas I guess. I think the craziest thing I've ever done is take a week off  of work because I got my heartbroken. I remember feeling so much emotion that day and at the time my job required a certain level of diligence and accuracy and focus that I knew I just would not be able to provide. Okay so maybe it wasn't so crazy... it felt crazy to my 19 year old self. When I think back to 2016, everything I did seems crazy actually. anyway. I went to a doctor who was also a family friend and asked him to give me a note for anything because I really didn't want to start crying in the middle of work but I didn't think I would have been able to stop it. He agreed an...

Okay so I tried to read my last post again and I really could not be bothered to comprehend what it meant. Honestly, I am tired. But my brain just won't shut up. I feel like I can keep going all night, just absorbing content. The problem is I would prefer to sleep. I would go make some chamomile tea but I have no sugar. I don't want to get up just to drink sugar-less tea...idk. I can feel my exhaustion weighing down on everything I do. I don't actually want to do anything right now so then why can't I just sleep? This is why people do drugs. However the low serotonin the next day is dangerous to say the least. This morning out of nowhere my father told me to watch myself because there are people who wish to bring about my destruction. And I mean, haters gonna hate for sure but I don't get why he said this to me so suddenly. The foreboding it seems to be bringing doesn't help my restless brain either. Tomorrow two things might happen. I might be extremel...

I really thought I titled a post like that already but I guess not. Today is Thursday, an hour left until Friday. I purposely want to be alone yet I feel lonely. It's too late now for me to seek companionship so I have turned to my blog, my old friend, my confidant, my salt and my pepper. Let me tell you all a story... Once upon a time, a seed was planted in the sand.  And although no one expected it to happen, A mango tree grew, right by the sea. It bore fruit as succulent as the last lips you will kiss before you die. The branches, thick and sturdy, stretched over roaring waters. The sea was so angry at the mango tree. The sea was angry because it was jealous. Every day for the past 8 years, a young lady would come to the sea to admire the way the sun and moon glistened upon its surface and the way the waves danced upon the shore and teased her toes. She loved the sea and the sea loved her back. She couldn't swim. She would walk towards the water and watch how the w...

Hello I haven't posted because I've been working on a short story. And by working on it I mean imagining how great it will be in my head without actually having the courage to put anything on paper because I truly believe that I will mess it up. So why am I here now? There are FOUR options 1. I am procrastinating on something very important I have to do 2. I am sad/ having an anxiety attack 3. I have some big news to share 4. ALL OF THE ABOVE. haha It's not 4. it's not three either.... I dunno man...  I'm here because.. haha.. my best friend just randomly sent me a joke Gosh I love her so much. I really needed that.  Anyway yeah... I'm here for the usual stuff.... I'm nervous about something that's gonna happen or might not happen I'm in love and I'm sad and I'm happy. I'm...bored. And also I kinda felt like challenging myself.   For now I'm just going to keep talking until I gain ...

I'm no longer  guilty about my lack of consistency on here.  I know that I have been actually waiting for some free time to write and it's the thought that counts. Small Unimportant Update: I am sick, I might be cursed, I might be dying. Just in case these are my last days, I just want my driving instructor to know that he needs to calm down. He's always telling me, the unbothered queen, to calm down, but no one is as angry in their core as he is. I'm just trying to have a good day and yet I have paid this man to be negative in my presence for an hour, 3 days a week. This must be what my mom meant by unwise spending decisions. Other, even less important news: I re-pierced my ears for the third time, aka the charm. So far so good, as usual. I won't truly know if I'm really committed to this mutilation until about the 6 month mark. I'm feeling optimistic this time around. I have a bit of confidence from the fact that I've stuck with my locs for ...

I need to leave this house ASAP. I dunno where I'll go but I have to go somewhere. I feel like i'm stifling right now. Please pick up your phone 

It's the seventh month of the year. Seven is my lucky number so i'm feeling pretty confident about it. I'm feeling very determined and ready for new experiences. However, with challenges comes anxiety. And today especially, i'm having a hard time just keeping a lid on it. I really want to just go home because I feel very alone right now. I'm not sure i'm ready to do this. This isn't my space. I can't be here alone. I don't feel safe or welcomed. Why am I somewhere where I feel like I have to hide? That's crazy. That being said, I generally feel unwelcome at most places so this might just be a me problem. Also, I don't think I can ever go back to non-touchscreen devices. I feel so weird using a mouse now. This reminds me of a scene from one of the avengers movies where tony is using the SHIELD computers and he says "How does Fury see any of these screens?" And the assistant replies "... He turns" I dunno if t...