Watermelaina

Freedom  That's what love is, or what it should be but it feels like a cage used for torture. The moment I met you there was something implanted into me. You nurtured this gift and it bloomed into beautiful wings.  I flew like it was naturally the only thing I was born to do. But then one day I fell and I haven't been so lucky to be healed and free again. Now I'm shackled in a 'safe space'.  It's like a blind covering a pristine glass window and consuming an otherwise bright room in crummy pseudo-darkness.  In the dark I glare at the rays of light from the small cracks in the blind which hit my skin. Golden and persistent they warm me.  I want certainty. Am I dark or light? The wings do not know me anymore. Not like they know you. They flap and flutter a dance of longing for you who never settles.  You come and you go as you displease. With every step away from me I feel my wings being pulled out of my back.  The pai...

So I'm currently taking a world literature class and we've been talking about the bible (Hebrew Bible) a lot. We especially have been talking about what all the stories of the Book of Genesis really mean. I'm assuming we all know the story of Adam and Eve.... God's first humans who he gave everything to. Everything except the knowledge of Good and Evil anyway, which was displayed in the form of fruit on a forbidden tree. Long story short, Adam and Eve eat the fruit and God punishes them and their descendants (which I suppose are us). He says to Eve "I will terribly sharpen your birth pangs, in pain shall you bear children. And for your man shall be your longing, and he shall rule over you."  Now Idk what's real or false. I'm religious but I don't believe everything. I as a woman have terrible menstrual pains and I am aware that child birth hurts like a mofo. The man thing tho...  What the hell? Why?  I don't even think I f...

Wine.  White or Red?  I spilt it on my bed. In my saddest hour It gives me creative powers  Tangy liquids make me too heavy to get up and search for you  it's true when I'm blue that's what I do.  The Red numbs my pain  The white drowns my sorrow  The glass, clear as rain  Do it again Tomorrow. 

The world in general is huge but mine is comfortably small. That’s how I like it and that’s how I wanted it.  But now that a piece of my world has removed itself I feel crippled. I feel like I woke up with only one arm and i’m terrified and unbalanced. It’s not the end of the world and theoretically in this case my arm might grow back but until then…. I can’t clap when I’m impressed I can’t hug someone I love I dream about my arm I dream about the simplest things that I miss Like buttoning a shirt or doing a ponytail in my hair I’m consumed with thoughts of finding my arm or finding a new arm when I know I should be broadening my world so it doesn’t feel like my arm is what’s missing anymore. HOW though. To me this is impossible. Love is a selfish thing. I don’t want you to go but I don’t nourish you when you stay. I don’t want to be like this but I don’t know how to change. I don’t want to be hated by you but what’s worse is I don’t want to be nothi...